Dear Friends and Benefactors of the Society of St. Pius X,

By the end of this month we hope to be residing in our new district house in the outskirts of Kansas City. I thank you for your generosity towards this project, which is also the first step of another project here at the present building. As soon as we have moved, the former district house will not only continue as the priory for Kansas City, but it will also serve as a house of studies for priests who wish to join us in the fight for tradition. Your continued spiritual and material support is very much appreciated.

Let us return now to the consideration of the training children require and which is almost forgotten today. This month we will consider the last of the 3-Rs, namely resourcefulness.

Let us begin by considering why it is important to train children to be resourceful. We can easily answer this question by considering the definition of resourceful. A resourceful person is one who is full of resource or fertile in expedients, in other words, someone who is capable of dealing with a situation or meeting a difficulty through the means afforded by the mind or personal capabilities. We know, as adults, how we are faced with numerous situations and difficulties each and every day. It is therefore not too difficult to see how important this training in resourcefulness is.

A resourceful child is able to think more creatively and flexibly and therefore, when faced with difficult problems, sees them as opportunities for exploring, experimenting, adapting and inventing. A resourceful child enjoys being challenged. When he overcomes one challenge he looks for a higher one. If he falls short, he becomes even more determined. Dejection and despair are seen as a waste of time and he applies to himself the essence of "if at first you don’t succeed, try, and try again", which is simply the virtue of perseverance.

How then do we teach our children to become resourceful?

First of all, it is important that parents are themselves able to distinguish between what their children simply want and what they truly need. This is important because children cannot do this for themselves. To a child, the state of want and the state of need feel exactly the same. Their wants become their needs and are more urgently expressed. Most of us have probably witnessed the darling little child who throws a temper tantrum when refused something he wants, e.g., candy or toys. The same child is likely to also throw a fit when he is told that there will be no dessert until he eats the meal set before him even if he doesn’t like it. It is therefore up to parents to draw the line between wants and needs in every aspect of a child’s life. In doing so they should understand that children want ten times the toys, freedom, help with homework and other tasks, and even attention than they need.

Parents are obligated to give their children all they truly need and only some of what they want. A child who is given an excess of their favorite food at every meal will soon become sick. Likewise too much parental attention will harm a child by keeping them from learning to stand on their own two feet. When parents fulfill this obligation then children are given the opportunity to figure things out for themselves and they learn how to organize their time, occupy themselves, solve academic and social problems, and so on. But when parents give excessively to their children, in whatever area, not only do children not have to figure anything out for themselves, but they are incapable of doing so and they will be unable to persevere in the face of adversity or tolerate frustration.

Take for example the subject of homework. Years ago, when a child went to school, he was informed that his homework was indeed his. More often than not, when a child asked for help he was told "You can do that on your own." The child learned that success was often less a matter of ability and more a matter of keeping the nose to the grindstone (perseverance).

Today however, more often than not, a child doesn’t even have to seek for his parents help. One of them (usually the mother) is sitting right there beside him prodding him on to complete his homework. The child may get good grades, but he is not learning to take initiative or manage his time properly, or use trial and error, or set priorities. In short, he is not learning to be resourceful or accept responsibility for himself and it should be no wonder that such children are so often bored, or whiny, or dependent.

Another example is the number of things children possess. Years ago, children were given very few toys and the few they had they took good care of. Such children rarely complained of being bored. They simply learned to do a lot with the little they had (resourcefulness). The wealth of resources the mind contained more than compensated for the lack of material possessions.

This is quite a contrast with today’s children who have been given all kinds of toys and gadgets. From day one such children are taught that their ability to occupy and entertain themselves is in direct proportion to the number of things they have and that only the latest and greatest thing will bring them happiness.

This is not to say that parents who give their children what they want necessarily intend any harm to them. Most parents want their child to have a happy childhood. But, by pandering to their wants, they teach them to chase after false notions of happiness, which will be detrimental not only to their temporal and eternal welfare but also to the welfare of others dependent on them later in life.

Nor should we expect children to solve every problem on their own. Proper supervision requires that parents step in at times to buffer, deflect, or even eliminate certain problems, especially if dangerous. However, the fact remains that parents cannot run constant interference for children and then expect that as adults they will successfully anticipate and deal with life’s numerous problems on their own. Parents then have an obligation to help their children stand on their own two feet.

Sincerely in Christ the King,